If we look at our life, very simply, in a straightforward way, we see that it is marked with frustration and pain. This is because we are attempting to secure our relationship with the “world out there”, by trying to solidify our experiences in some concrete way.
Over-spending and approval seeking are two extremely common areas. For the most part we are trying to be “cool” and be someone or something we’re not, in order to get approval or to “Keep up with the Jones” all as an attempt to fit in.
As children, we learned from a young age to seek approval from our parents for the things we said or did in order to feel loved. This is because our need for love and connection is fundamental to our development. However, things happen and there is no way our parents or caregivers can attend to our every need, which ultimately will lead to some sort of upset and wounding. We become conditioned over time to continue to try and get now what we didn’t get then and we seek approval from others or through buying things as a way to fill these wounds. Whenever we don’t receive approval from someone, we feel that original wounding (not fun) and there is an automatic trigger or desire to fill it and fix it.
So, when we get met with ridicule or rejection, it can undermine our view of ourselves and we internalize this kind of negative feedback. We then begin to doubt our own personal worth because it’s touching on that original upset.
Still, there are ways out of these patterns.
For instance, when you act or speak in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, stop and acknowledge it. When you work hard on a project or goal, find a way to reward yourself. It is not egotistical to give yourself acknowledgment. Share what you are doing well with others you trust. The greatest healing will always happen in relationship with others, because that is where our original pain stem from.
The reality is, we are affected by our external environment, so as hard as we try not to embody rejection as a reflection of who we are, it does happen. That is why it is so important to practice self-love and compassion, regardless of what occurs outside of ourselves.
And this takes practice.