Top 5 Things To “Get Over” In Couples Therapy
Take a leap of faith, and create change together. Couples therapy can feel daunting for some. Couples often fear that the counsellor will whip out their referee whistle and start taking sides, and let's not forget the nerves that come with the thought of your partner spilling secrets you're not quite prepared to hear! To see breakthroughs in therapy that equate to long-lasting changes, you may have to get over a few things. Here are our Top 5.
1. Not Giving It Time
Embracing change together happens with small, sometimes awkward steps at first. You both have your quirks to overcome, so let's acknowledge that improvement requires conscious effort, and it takes some time! The key is to stay mindful and to work on improving your responses to each other. Remember, it's not a quick fix; think of it as a transformational marathon, not a sprint!
2. Pointing The Finger
Ah, the classic fight or flight mode – our nervous system's way of preparing for battle with our partner. When we are in conflict, we're on high alert, scanning for any sign of trouble. But hold on a second! Before pointing fingers and blaming our surroundings ( and partners), let's take a detour inwards, shall we? There may be things that bug you about your partner, but the real transformation starts from within. Focus on reflecting and shifting those knee-jerk reactions and patterns that haven’t been working in your relationship. You can’t always control what happens in life, but you can control how you react to things. Relationship Counselling and Couples Therapy can help you discover new tools to rock your relationship with some self-awareness and positive change.
3. Focusing On What We Should Do
Let's get real here – working on solutions is great, and you may know what you should be doing differently, so why on earth do we struggle to follow through? Coming up with new and improved ways to do things isn’t a perfect science and is different for everyone. But here's the secret: it's all about changing how you think and feel – our reactions are the true game-changers, and they hold the key to transforming how we respond to life's curveballs. Once you learn how to respond from a place of accountability and love with your partner (whatever that looks like), communication will run smoothly again.
4. Avoiding Emotional Discomfort
Be ok with being uncomfortable. Emotional safety can turn our relationship into a cozy cocoon, but sometimes only treading on safe ground can make things mundane and lacklustre. GROWTH in our relationships demands more! It's about shedding our protective shells, embracing vulnerability and baring our hearts to our loved ones even when the stakes feel high—it’s in these moments, that we we learn about ourselves and our relationships on a deeper level. After all, If you keep doing the same thing- you’ll be met with the same results. Dare to step out of that comfort zone and watch your connection blossom with your partner into something truly extraordinary—it’s available to us all when we’re brave enough. (Brenee Brown’s The Power Of Vulnerability is a classic, recommend a watch)
5. Being Unprepared For Sessions
The dilemma – not knowing what to work on and being as clear as mud about your relationship goals! We want you to keep moving forward in therapy, so setting yourself up for success is key. You don’t have to prep for an exam or anything, but before each session, take a moment together to identify your relationship goals and individual aspirations and reflect on those objectives in and out of session.
If you spend more time asking, “What do we even want to work on?” this may lead to dwelling on past arguments or discussing whatever pops into your head, which may not feel productive. Therapy is a safe space for exploring our ideas and questions, and we like to work with some version of a game plan.
At Benchmark Counselling Group, our team of passionate therapists will support you and your partner in navigating the maze of relationships because you don’t have to face life’s challenges alone. We create a safe space and will guide you both toward healthy communication —making sure you’re comfortable every step of the way. We want to support you both in creating change together.